Family Counsels

     This week in class we talked about counsels and the proper way to hold them. I have had many church callings and have participated in some family counsels. Looking back on each and every one of them I have never had an actual counsel. After learning how the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles meet every week and how they conduct counsels was eye opening.
     First they come and greet each other and genuinely show their love for one another. Then they begin with a prayer and invite the Spirit to help them come to the conclusion of God's will. Then they each go around and give their views on the topic and what should be done. They keep going around until they all have come to a consensus. After they have discussed everything they need they end with a prayer to ask for God's help in carrying out God's will. After they talk to each other and again express their love and concern for one another.  
     How great would this be if a family were to adopt this and use it in their family counsels? Not only would they be a closer knit family but they would be spiritually strengthening each other to withstand the temptations of the world. This is something that I want to make sure I do in my own family.   

Coping with Stress

     This past week in class has been all about stress and how to cope with stress. We were asked to come up with a list of stressors that have affected our families. The first one I thought of was when my mother's gallbladder ruptured. My youngest brother woke me up and sad that mom needed me and she was in her bathroom. I remember rolling over to look at the clock and noticed that I still had an hour to go before I really needed to wake up. I thought, "If she isn't dying I'm going to kill her!" Then I walked into the bathroom and there she was laying on the floor dying. Now that I look back on it its funny. I had to call 911 and take on all my mother's responsibilities. my family was shaken but we were all able to get through it. 
     It took one of my younger brothers over a year to get through it. He used what is called scapegoating. It is a negative coping skill. He blamed God for what happened and couldn't understand why God would let this happen to someone who was good. What we wished we as a family would have done is reframing. We needed to share what happened with our mother and put it into a different perspective so he could deal with his stress better.
    Now as different stresses arise I know that we as a family need to make sure everyone is coping with it well and if not to help them cope well.     

Sex Education

     Some may gasp upon reading this title but sex education is important. One of the main factors is that parents should be the first and foremost teacher of sex education. Children should not get their information from other sources. If a parent feels inadequate about talking about sex then they need to get more information about how to present it and they need to take a plunge and talk about it. The school systems talk about the how and what of sex but they do not talk about why. We as parents need to tell our children why sex is so important and that we need to wait until marriage to do so. 
     Talking about sex starts when the children are young. Children are constantly bombarded with sexual messages from the media. As we talk to our children about sex we don't give them the whole details. We tell them what is appropriate and what they can understand. 
     For younger children we can talk to them about how boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. We have different body parts and that our bodies are sacred and others bodies are sacred. We don't touch each other in those places or have other people touch us there. As they get older we can tell them we don't talk or joke about sex because it is sacred. Heavenly Father gave us sex to have children and that is why we don't joke about it. When they are around or in the pubertal phase we can talk about the biological changes happening in and out of the body. The older they get we reinforce the principle that sex is saved until marriage. We want to express our affection to others but there are more appropriate ways. The closer they get to marriage the more you talk about what sex entails. 
     Every child is different and will need different information at different times. We need to know our child in order to talk with them at the right time. Children can grow up with the right and best sense of sex if we as parents take our role seriously and teach our children. 

Being Happy about a Baby!

     When a baby is brought into this world it is one of the most joyous experiences anyone can have! Yet there are so many people who begin to resent what they baby does to the family system. It is true that when a baby comes into the home things have to change. Typically it is the mother who stays at home and develops a closer relationship to the baby. While the father is off investing his time into work or other activities. This does not always have to be the case. 

     Things can be different between the husband and wife long before the baby is born. As husband and wife are preparing to be mothers and fathers they can both be involved in the different stages of pregnancy. As the baby continues to grow and kick within the mother have the father feel what is going on inside and describe to him what it feels like. Take prenatal classes together and go to all the doctor's visits together. 

     One really important thing a mother can do after the baby is born is to let the father be a father. Don't exclude him from anything and if he does something that scares you give him a couple of suggestions of how to do it better and explain why. Don't yell at him and let him feel worse about his fathering skills. Babies bring out a range of emotions in all of us but they bring out the happiest emotions of all.  

Types of Love

     Some people might think I am crazy for suggesting that there are different types of love. But think about it. You love your family different than you do your friends. You love your spouse different than you do your parents. It's a fact there are different types of love. 
     The different types of love come from Greek words: Eros, Agape, Philia, and Storge. Eros is what we call romantic and passionate love. Agape is the love you have for someone's well-being. Philia is brotherly love. Storge is family and parental love.  
     Each type of love is important but I think that at different times in our lives one or more of these types of love are prevalent. When you are dating someone sometimes the eros love is on the forefront. When you serving or helping someone you care dearly about you are filled with agape love. When you do things to help out those in need in your community or the world you are filled with philia. How you treat your family results in storge. We can all feel these types of love but the more you engage in agape, philia, and storage kinds of love the better and more fulfilling your eros love will be. If you base your life on eros love than you will have a harder time staying with someone and being happy.  
     I think that we need to do what we can to develop these different kinds of love and realize that we can feel different types of love at the same time.

Gender Roles

     This week in class we have been discussing gender roles and the effect that they have on the family. What roles and responsibilities we take on effect how our family system interacts. There are certain roles for certain people. The Family: A Proclamation to the World says that fathers are to preside over their family in love and righteousness... this does not mean that the father is a dictator in his household but that he works with the mother as equal partners. Fathers are also responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection of their family. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.  
     This does not mean that fathers cannot nurture their children and mothers cannot protect their family. We may have certain roles but we can share in those roles. This means that we are in charge of a certain role but can have help in accomplishing that role. Mothers and fathers are to work together as an equal team and that means that they support and help each other. As we take on roles and responsibilities we grow as individual people and as a united front.

America's Social Class

     If someone where to suggest that America was divided up into different social classes we would probably be stare at them in disbelief. We believe in the American Dream. Does it matter where you came from, how much money you have, or how much schooling you have attained? To many no but to others yes. 

     For class we had to watch different clips about the social classes in America. The one clip that stuck out to me was titled Trouble in Paradise (From People Like Us). In this video there is an engaged couple talking about where they grew up. The woman was from the upper class and the man was from the middle class. In their local newspaper they posted their engagement. The woman asked her finance if he would change his hometown to a more affluent town that was close to his original home. 

     Upon watching this I was shocked. My first thought was , "Who cares?" Does it really matter where he grew up? Even though his hometown was in a lower social class than hers he should not have to change it. It should not matter where a person came from as long as they have become a good and decent person. 

     I began wondering why his social class bothered her so much. Then I realized that usually if you are from the lower or upper classes you dwell on your social standing more. When in the lower class you are usually thinking about how to rise to a higher class. In the upper class you pity those who are lower than you and focus on appearance to everyone else in the upper class. In the middle class you  do not care. You tend to pity the lower class and strive to stay in the middle class or work your way up to the upper class. Social standing does not matter as much in the middle class.  

     Think to yourself about what social class you are in and how you view those in other social classes. I think you will be surprised about how you view others. Then I would ask you this question...Do social classes really matter?  

Here is the video: