Family Rules

     This week for class we were asked to write down some of our family rules. At the beginning I had a hard time trying to come up with some rules. I know we had some but could not think of any. Once I thought of the first one they just kept coming and coming. Some of our family rules were: 
 1. Each person had a designated spot at the dinner table. 
2. No gaming systems were allowed until after homework was done. 
3. We had to be inside the house when the street lights came on. 
4. We stopped trick-or-treating when we turned twelve. 
5. We have to call parents on our way home from anything and we have to wake them up when we get home.  
     Some of these family rules are still followed like the dinner table and calling/waking up parents when we get home. Others like coming in when the street lights are on have not been enforced in many years.  
     As I talked with classmates about these rules I found that some of my rules were unique. All those that I talked to only had a few rules in common. No one had their own designated dinner table spot and the way my family designates table seats is unique in itself. 
     When all the children were still living at home we all had our spots. We sat there every night and no one else could take your spot. As the first child left for college, we rearranged the seating. Then the next one left and we rearranged again. But every time one came back we went to an older model for seating arrangements. When I left for college the seating was rearranged. Every time I come back one of my younger siblings tries to take my seat but I just tell them up front, "No. Get out of my seat." And they do. 
     What I like about my family rules are that I can see what are family rules and what are family traditions. I can see which family traditions I will want to bring into my future family. I can also see how these rules will affect my family and what it does to our relationship. 

Trends and Myths

     During this first week of class we needed to read about some of the trends that the United States are facing. Some of those trends were: an increase in premartial sex, increase in cohabitation, delaying marriage until later in life, etc. What I found most interesting is that most if not all of these trends started from myths.  

     We as a society place a high value on these myths. That is probably due to the fact that these myths are easier to believe than the reality of what is happening. 

     One myth is that people marry because they love each other. It is true or I hope it is at least. I hope that the person you end up marrying is someone you love. Love should not be the only reason why you get married. In our textbook on page 19 it lists a few reasons about what makes a happy marriage: your spouse is your best friend, you like your spouse a person, you agree on aims and goals, you laugh together, etc. If you have more than love in common then your marriage will last longer and your love will become stronger and deeper. 

     Another myth was that happily married people don't have conflict. If that is the case then tell me how it is done!!! In every marriage there are conflicts. We have had conflicts with our family, friends, and coworkers throughout our life. So why would conflict stop when we get married? In some ways we might have more conflicts in our marriage than anywhere else. Our textbook says, "...conflict can facilitate creative solutions and and increase solidarity over the long run" (pg 8). When people get married later in life it might be harder for them to overcome conflicts. The older you are the more set you are in your ways and the less likely you are to be the first to back down.  

     While these myths are popular we need to realize what they are worth--mistakes. If we give into these myths than we will be regretting our decisions later in life. While we like the dreamlike quality that these myths give us, the reality of how real life works will make us happier in the end.  

Textbook: Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy (7th Ed.) by Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer